A man...in my closet!

I have been working like that for years, almost every weekend I travel to the desert to do what I am good at….speak to people …..and I come back after the weekend is over to get ready for the next weekend. It sounds very ironic that I have to go out to the desert to meet tens and hundreds of people. This is the beauty of it; that we all meet in the desert where we are all by ourselves with nothing to rely on except each other. And at this stage, anything that is said or done can make a difference, because in the desert we have to depend on each other to survive!

I usually pack and go back home with my carry on and laptop. It is such a familiar scenery…waiting for the elevator with my luggage on Thursdays as a first step towards my destination. And I go downstairs, look at 3am Mohamed and I say salam ya 3am Mohamed and I do the same thing when I come back. It is such a continuous and happy repetition. The only tedious part about it is the weekly packing and unpacking. Sometimes I just get out the laundry and throw whatever is left in my closet without even looking. In my mind I can always go back later and tidy it up but “not today”.

Last time this happened, I decided to finally have a look at my closet. Let me see what I will do with it. And as I opened it, in the midst of the crowded place full of old stuff, new stuff, the basics and the unnecessary, I saw somebody sitting in there?!
SOMEONE IN MY OWN CLOSET?! I was astonished and jumped in the air. I took few steps back and then few steps to the front to check if that was my imagination. I wanted to make sure. I looked and stared and closed the door then reopened it to make sure it is not a delusion. But I could still see that man sitting comfortably in my closet with a confident smile on his face. How did he get there? Where did he come from? What is he doing here? He did not look quite real to me at the beginning. What is he singing, is it a lullaby? Why do I care what he’s singing, focus, focus, there is a man in the closet. Why is this tune enchanting you? Why aren’t you panicking and screaming? Why did you stop to listen? I paused and heard his song, a song that I have not heard before …what is he singing? Something like…when falling in love is not the point!

The man just looked at me with a beautiful smile and continued what he was singing. He did not move or feel threatened by my presence as if he was expecting me. His words were so warm and deep and the tune was very moving. He could tell that I was not ready to ask him to get out. At this moment, he looked at me and sang for me. I found myself sitting on the floor and examining him in amazement. The tune was calming me down and giving me a deep sense of happiness. And as I closed my eyes to take in the experience as deep as I could, he quietly left. I opened my eyes to smile back but he wasn’t there. I wanted him to continue singing for me. I loved his song, it is not fair. I am here smiling back and enjoying …but all I found was a note. He was too generous to write me a note before he disappeared…he wrote “to be continued”. I am not sure what this magician was doing. All I know is that he gave me so much to tell to my friends and so much to feel. He released so many happy feelings that I started smiling to myself again and again. I would go back to look for him in my closet but would not find him…just the note and I prayed in my heart that he would come back and sing for me again.

The following days, he came back!! I found him again in my closet, every time with a different tune but for some reason it felt like it was one song. How could one song have different tunes to it? And I would go back running to the closet like any kid who believes he has an imaginary friend in his own closet and not wanting anyone to know about him. It was my secret; I would talk to my imaginary friend about anything I wanted. He would be sitting there smiling and singing for me all the time. I would sleep and wake up to his tunes. I felt luckier than my friends who did not have a friend in the closet. Their lives were boring and lonely but not mine. Can he talk? Or does he only sing? Why is he here after all? Can he walk me to work? Can he come with me everywhere? Or is he comfortably seated in my closet. It looks crowded in there. May be I need to create some space for him to sit comfortably. May be he would sleep in the closet after all and be there for a longer time. If I wake up scared at night, I can make sure that he is still there. What would he need now? Oh let me get him a pillow to lay his head on and probably tidy some things here and there to create some room for him. Here you go, that is better. Will he sleep here tonight? I have no way of knowing. He just smiles. I will close the door now and see if he stays till the morning.

It is very hard to sleep on the thought; I need to stop checking if he is sleeping here or not. I should go to bed and let him choose. Ok, count, count, 1 2 3 shhhhhhhhh sleep, do not think just relax. I can’t I can’t. Why is he so quiet? Is he still there? Oh what a surprise, I think he felt my struggle. He let me hear his voice as he sang again to me from behind the closed door. Yes that’s better, I love this song. I can sleep now. It is so beautiful and peaceful.

The next day as I opened my eyes, I smiled to myself. What a beautiful day!! And I thought why am I happy. Ah, it is that song. I just love it and very thankful that I got to hear it before I slept. How I love the song ….tira ra ra ri ra ra,…. Oops…I remember, is he still there, did he sleep here tonight? Let me go and check. But I have no time to reach out to my closet now. I need to go. I am forgetting about the whole world except for this tune that keeps playing in my mind. You know what the world has always been spinning around me, non stop. Why not stop now just for a little while. Let me check if he’s still there.

As I approach the closet, I get too excited and full of anticipation. I can hear my heart beats very loud in my ears and I feel a little down. I can’t hear the tune. What if he’s gone? What if he was never there to begin with? Well, I will be brave. I will be brave. I will always have my spinning world. If he’s gone I will start spinning again as hard as this world does until I come to a total stop. My heart squeezes as I reach out to open the door. And the minute I open it, I jump. I find him sitting in there in a garden of roses, so many flowers. He planted all that during the night and he was looking at me as if he was expecting me with the brightest smile and the most blossoming flower of his garden. He talked …yes he talked…he talks!!! And uttered those words…I love you!