Nailed ....... to you

by the way I'm here
oh

I have read ur message, and I'm still asking you how r u now?. And even if this relation takes another label, I still gets my highs, looks like u still didn't know me or what gives me highs!! ------, I am starting to like this name than -----, I will always be here under whatever label or shape, and I will respect the label u will give me, but I will still be here. And I know this may make it harder for you, but it should make it easier for you.
so how r u now?

I am tired
and missing you

what were u doing being online?

I was waiting for someone
I sleep and wake up
and communicate and travel
but I am online waiting for someone
I wish from my heart that by talking to you now, relieves some of the tiredness and missing feelings .. relieves some of the pain and the burden.
I have a very bad headache, I had not had a chance to sleep except for very little, I can't open my eyes but
all I care about
is the longing that I have in my heart
for someone

ok habiby, I will be here online as if I am beside, but I will not talk for the sake of ur headache ... I will just be here when u need me, I am one click away!!
just talk to me for few mns before I drop
I have overdone this
with no regrets
what u have overdone with no regrets?
given you myself completely...
my past
my present
my mental power
my love
myself
forgive me: it is hard for me to focus

no you did and the power u gave me to restore my life back is still going ... it just needs some time management , that's all.
but u will see for yourself
but to tell u the truth , I am a little confused by what u r saying, I don't know if u r just saying sorry, or u just reached a decision for me ??

I do not know anything about the future but I had already decided about my present
I had been available completely
entirely
and I let go
for you
to see me
and know me
and taste me
and drink me
the bitter and sweet
up to the last sip
and if u see me now u'll understand
ru still there

Habiby, for just being with you in any form and boundries, is great and I will have my highs under such label and boundries, and I will always love ur company whatever its shape ... and I hope that u can too .. if we became friends only, I will be happy, if we became like -----I will be happy too .. I will always be happy. and that is why I am liking now, it has kid's innocence in it
purity and happiness.
ur still hurting
no honey, please believe me, and please understand that when I see a woman calls herself
a wife to another man, and believes it deep and love it and live it ... I have no choice but to seek her friendship the way she likes it.

alright sweetheart

do u believe me?

yes but
I cannot be as content as you are
anyways

I feel ur struggle, I am having it too, but I wish it was my decision or there i something practically I can do or more tha just being there
but I have no clue
but
to be there
and keep doing it
doing what
keep being there
be there entirely?
yes in any shape or form u like.
do I get to choose
it was always ur decision from the being honey, that's why
I said I wish it was my decision or there is something more I can

what would it be
if it were up to you

no I can't habiby, I can't .. how would I decide to be with me when ur heart is somewhere else ... I can't.
I have no choice but to seek ur friendship the way u like it.

ur letting me go easily with no fight

this is very unfair .. that hurt .. really did
why

u want to tell me that u did not see me fighting for u dying for u all that time, and u keep telling u loooooooove him, u r his wife, u kept showing his pictures, u kept telling me why it is possible with him and not with me, and in all of that I was still telling you I love you, and I am concerned for you ....
that was very unfair very unfair to ask why , tooooooo much hurting
and u got angry with -----
when he was
asking u to meet -----
and acting
like nothing
but i kept there
and I took it
nd kept loving you
very unfair
toooo unfair

the only difference between what he did and what I did
was that I was holding you as I said that
you were ready for it
and asked me to get it all out on you
that I took permission first
yes
and I told you that you would not be able to handle it
and as you handled it
I loved you more
and more
and got closer and closer
although
it seemed like I was miles away
but you were winning me over
with every time you decided to be there
and not panic
or go away
and I did not hang up
or tell you if u keep telling me that you care
or get upset
I will not want to talk to you again
I am here
weak
trembling
crying
not wanting to let go of you
on my stomach
crowling
as I have no more power
pleading

I am still fighting for the last or any bit of you, and be content with it and then u tell I am letting go without a fight
ouch
ouch
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
aay
ay

ur acting too 3a2el
don't be hurt
what ?
ur acting wisely
and it is scary
I guess what I am asking here is
DO YOU STILL LOVE ME

ok how do u feel if I tell u that I looooooove a woman, I see her my wife and it is possible with her but not you ... and by the way that was after u finish bringing it all
YES ID DO
YES IDO
YES I DO
I DO
I DO
I DO
I DO
I DO
I DOOOOOOOOOOOOO

U have no idea
each time you say I do
what happens to me
with all the drama and the confusion
you still love me?

I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
LISTEN
I will always do even if I got married someday to someone, you will always have that place in my heart, she will have to live with it, or I will not marry anyone.

please don't talk about this
and I am very thankful you did
I will not

and if i don't love

be able to handle one more thought about any other woman

why would i want to be ur friend near the one who i don't love
why would i do so?
what do u want me to do ... I say I love you, i die for u, i say want to be with nay bit of you and be content, I hold u , i kiss u, i say iam always here for you .... what do u want me to do ?????? I blowing my brains offffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

to say you love me
and would die for me
and hold me
and blow your brains off for me
will you

I think I did, that hurst to ask, but I did and I am doing and I will keep doingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I just want you to know that after last time
night
my confidence
disappeared
the girl you knew vanished
I was completely
naked
all of me
so scared
and I was not sure that you accept me this way
I needed you to cover me
and I was prepared for the worst
when you just asked how ru
I said he likes me less
when u said
I will be happy as your friend
I thought he had given up on love
and I still lie naked before you
and it is really up to you

I am holding you now, and put all my body over you to feel every cell in scream I love you, I will let my cells scream it for you ... and u have to know the agnoy I am going through right while my cells screaming I love you, you who is someone's else wife... but I am still here, hold you tight and covering u
with all my body shouting
I LOVE YOU

I am reading what u've written over and over again, I can't stop
I cannot believe I am having this experience
one of a kind
that I am not sure any language can describle
have I ever known so much love
has any woman on earth experienced this love
how did I get you to love me so much

u know, I told you will always be high with you, and that u said after last night there will be no more high, so listen to this

you always have the power to turn me on but this is something else

I am agonizing that my tears know it would not do any difference coming out, my tears gave up on me, and at this moment covering you, I feel you reached your breaking point, the moment of your death, and u r about to experience new life in you, ... and I am very high , because I was the one, and only me who there at the moment of ur death at the moment of your break, and it was me only who covering you and not anyone else.
u said the "girl I knew vanished" ... it was only me who was there at this moment.
and i will be the only one who will be there when new life comes into you.
such a high
in the midst of agony i died with you and i am waiting to rise up with you.

why die with me
why

to rise up with you.

ur already alive, don't die

I won't as u did, but I am the only one with u at that moment I am next to yo, I am over you melting in you ... i am dying with you. I am feeling your death, your break moment. when u die part of my dies and that part will rise up with you.

that is so beatiful but the part that is dying with me is very precious and it doesn't seem like there is any hope for resurrection now

that is not for you to say, nor for me to say, that is not any human's job to say ... it is only one man's one person's job and I trust in HIM more than anything now ... I don't know when HE will do it, but I am sure HE will do it in HIS perfect timing.

how did this all happen
when
how did we get to know each other
what is going on
s this a fairy tale

I love to believe it was all meant to happen and in this way.

but I am really breaking, not as a figure of speech

and it will be very painful ... you will be crucified

no more of that, no more please

and that part of me will feel it all the way.

be brave for me

I am , I am standing OUR grounds, with tears all over me, I am crying for the Lord, and tears aree with me now, ...am crying for his mercy for his love
i am crying for HIS powerful liberation his resurrection

be brave when I die to all and the silence is heavy
I will be silent to you as well

I am standing OUR grounds, with tears all over me
part of me is dying with you, and it will be silent

no no this is my journey
just be there as I go

I will

ru crying begad

yes, but I wipe it quickly and I am fighting it, I should be brave
I should face it

u don't have to wipe them it is still a sign of courage

I KNOW

that ur standing firm while crying my death
ru still there

yes habiby i am

it is getting darker you know

i feel it

I am cold
I feeeeeeel it

don't let go now

I am holding you with all my body and my tears running all over u
I felt life of my love leave ...
she is dead, and I am crying her death ... I agonize ...
I will keep holding her body, till life comes back in, I will be crying and shouting to the Lord to have mercy and deliver, I will wait for HIS timiing, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, forever, but I will always be crying to deliver and not be late for HIS sake, for the sake of his own daughter ... DOn't be late my Lord.
Amen
go now and be still

my last wish was that during the good and the bad times
continue to write

I will I will

when the silence is heavy

I will increase the writing

when the emptiness is loud
write

I wil shout louder by writing

and believe that there
will always be
a time
a place
a haven where I will be able to meet you

I believe

I seal my wish with a kiss that I want you to keep forever

and I will never lose it, because it was so powerful and tender it engraved.
go now and be still in peace till life comes back I will be waiting and I am sure
it will and she will show up one day, with a smile more beautiful than she had, and a face more glowing than she had, and a new heart and a new life.
I believe ... 2omen ya Sayed
2omen ya Sayed
be still in peace my love

and until then farewell my darling, be blessed

no farewell, because we will meet again ... in peace and be blessed

it is my death and it feels real so for me it is a farewell

in peace my darling ... in peace and be blessed

bye love

bye love
(7/4/2009 12:28 AM)
Last message received on 7/4/2009 at 12:27 AM